One of the greatest misconceptions on this planet (to give a sense of scope!) is that effective communication skills are something we’re born with; or just somehow ride along with us through our lives and then rear their beautifully super-skilled brilliance, potency and impact all by themselves – in a boardroom, in a meeting, in an auditorium, behind a microphone, in a job interview, in a classroom, in a presentation, online; to staff, to management, to anyone and anywhere really – in which productive, constructive, strategic and powerful communication skills count.
But, successful communication even in everyday life can be a skill that needs work – it seldom just ‘arrives’ to wow. Some people are better natural communicators than others, but everyone can learn to better their communication skills or upskill their natural ones.
What affects our communication styles intrinsically? Well, there can be some good digging to do here in terms of individual personality traits and makeups!
But generally speaking, (and this is the kind of introduction I give to groups when training communication skills, because it promotes an awareness of self in terms of communication which isn’t always common knowledge), we are affected by things like behavioural traits such as aggression or passivity for example; the ways in which stress, anxiety or lack of confidence affect what we say and how we say it; our awareness (or lack of) of what we want to project to people, particular speaking style, body language, actual voice quality, nervous habits and performance anxiety when we’re spotlit (for whatever the reason); and even behavioural backstories (take the simple example of a daily activity backstory of waking up late, getting to work late and tearing into a very important meeting which you’re chairing. No breakfast to fuel you, just a cup of hastily grabbed coffee; breathless, scattered and apologetic – and you think you’re going to nail it?!)
Of course, backstories from the bigger personality and life picture can often surface when communicating under pressure, as we reflect traits, observed behaviours, mannerisms, gestures, and even similar vocal tones from the immediate family that brought us up. And moments of ‘flight or fright’ are also often derived from family stories, let’s say, in which our confidence or ability to speak out was hammered for example – they happen to many of us!
In many of my introductions to trainings, I also focus on important technical points to consider if you want to be an effective communicator – these are some of them:
– Firstly, you need to have an awareness of your voice and body language, let’s say, when engaging with others. It’s no good saying ‘oh that’s what happens to me when…’ (i.e. I fall apart when X, Y or Z…and that’s just how it is). If it can be corrected, bettered, changed, even transformed, for great, rather than average to poor communication, it needs to be done.
– Secondly, the ‘how’ of communicating can often trump the ‘what’: if you watch someone in a detailed presentation, for example, focussing on facts and figures, focussed on the screen, hesitant, laying out zillions of detailed diagrams – all very academic and clever; vs someone in another presentation – charismatic, projecting the essence of the message in voice, body language and tone, using the room AND the screen, using bold, colourful graphics and evocative pictures, who are you more likely to be drawn to? And more importantly, would you know how to create the presentation in which the room is your oyster…eyes riveted, ears flapping, info channelling?! THAT is what training is for.
– Thirdly, that preparing, or even rehearsing what you want to say’ in private or in public, is a necessary part of above-average communication. If you have something important to say, you’ll need quite a lot of practice to nail it. To have that compelling vocal skill, use effective body language, employ clever speaking techniques and strategies, and fully engage with your ‘audience’ to convey your message. To achieve your outcome. To be clear. To be convincing. The biggest mistake we make in thinking about communication is that it’s something (especially when important) that we can wing.
I LOVE this analogy I tell in trainings: I say, “so the CEO of the JHB Ballet calls you this morning, yes YOU; and says… X, please come and dance the lead role in the ballet Giselle tonight?” You look perplexed, then disbelieving, then laugh, then say ‘no!’ “Why?” ‘Well’, you say, ‘I don’t know how to dance a). Or b), I can dance but I haven’t rehearsed. It’s a huge role!!’ Exactly.
Would you run the Comrades without training for it? Without warming up? Doubtful!
It’s the same with communication. It’s a skill like any other. To whatever degree, it needs training and practice.
So what kind of training are we looking at? Well, it can be extensive and encompass learning many different skills, tactics, strategies and techniques. As well as doing physical voice development work!
But for the purposes of this article, let’s look at a fictitious person struggling with performance anxiety (which can literally tank good communication) and then apply some appropriate training advice for her.
She’s a lawyer, let’s say. Lots of public speaking, very knowledgeable, but being the centre of attention and having all eyes on her can be stressful. Her body reacts to this in much the same way as it would if she were being attacked. Her “fight-or-flight” mechanism kicks in, which is why symptoms of stage fright are similar to symptoms that could occur if she was in real danger. This can be helped a lot by working through it in coaching/training and learning useful techniques to counter it.
Her symptoms when speaking could include: racing pulse and rapid breathing, dry mouth and tight throat, trembling hands, knees, lips, and voice, sweaty and cold hands, and even nausea.
What could she work on? Here are a few tips…
Physically:
– She could do some voice training (breath, resonance, articulation, projection, putting emotion into the voice etc.) with a voice trainer to help her have more control over, and power in, her voice when nervous.
– Before the day: make sure prep has been done and gone over, practicing speaking it, not just reading.
– On the day: dress to look good. Looking good helps feeling good. Limit caffeine and sugar intake before speaking to limit adrenal stimulation which can produce the shakes. Before the talk, do some breathwork to both calm the nervous system and open up the voice. Online sessions (such as Wim Hof’s YouTube 3 rounds of 30 breaths and breath holds works wonders.) If she does voice training, a good warm up, physical and vocal will calm nerves and help her sound fabulous. If not, a walk, jumping up and down, jumping jacks and deep breathing will help calm her down, while rehearsing her work – it’s a great technique! Rehearsing work in different spaces also helps when one gets into THE space. And she could take something like rescue remedy or Biral before speaking for the nerves.
Mentally/emotionally:
To prevent her own mind from ‘heckling’ her mercilessly during her ‘performance’ and becoming so involved in her internal struggle that she doesn’t get involved with the actual speaking, she needs to practice the work beforehand, making sure to involve the audience (a sitting room chair as a podium or desk and the walls as the audience work very well! As does dining room table as the boardroom). The technique of looking down at work and looking up and engaging with the audience can also be applied on the day. WITH appropriate vocal emphases and emotion.
One of the keys to mastering stage fright is to become truly involved in, and focused on, the material AND involve the audience. Focus on the friendliest faces in the room!
